The idea that you can’t fill from an empty cup is one that gets thrown around a lot, but it’s very true. The idea is that if your cup is empty then you can’t fill up the cups of others. Obviously this isn’t a literal cup – we don’t all walk around with random mugs offering to pour liquid into other people’s empty cups – but it’s a good image to think of.
Essentially, the phrase talks about how if we don’t look after ourselves then we can’t look after the other people in our lives. It’s an idea that I’ve given a lot of thought to over the last few months as I battled burnout and resisted the urge to hide under the duvet and never reappear. Basically, my cup got too empty, and I carried on pouring into everyone else.
My Empty Cup Experience
As a single parent, there are a lot of demands on my time and attention. Add in being self-employed, and it’s very easy to forget the idea of doing anything for myself entirely. Most of my days are a constant juggle. I jump from one task to the next, eventually collapsing in a heap around midnight; ready to start again at six the next morning.
I don’t have a partner to tag-team with when I’m overwhelmed. I don’t have a massive support network around me. I don’t have lots of family and friends I can ask for babysitting. I don’t get a lot of time by myself. It’s tempting to focus on all of the things I don’t have and let that thought be the only one, and for a long time that’s what I did.
I told myself I couldn’t get my nails done because the kids needed me at home. I couldn’t go to the newsagents by myself, because something would happen while I was gone. Essentially, I created blocks that meant I didn’t make time for myself even when I could. But then I hit a rock. And I sank. Hard.
Refilling My Empty Cup
At that point, I had no real choice. If I didn’t make time for myself, then my children would suffer. I can’t look after them the way I want to if I’m not performing at my best, and I can’t perform at my best if I don’t look after myself. So I reminded myself that my eldest child is 19 and perfectly capable of babysitting for a few hours, and I started doing the things I enjoyed.
Self-care doesn’t have to be big things. It doesn’t even have to cost money. Sometimes, I just go for a walk. I’ll give myself half an hour with my headphones on and nobody demanding anything from me. That can be enough to help recharge my batteries and give me a boost. Other times, I’ll treat myself to a face mask, a can of cider, and something really trashy to binge watch.
Don’t get me wrong, though. My favourite self-care moments are definitely the ones where I get to experience new things. Gigs on a Friday or Saturday night, visiting my friend in Nottingham, people watching in a coffee shop, buying new books even when I’ve promised myself I wouldn’t. They’ve all been important forms of self-care for me over the last few months.
Am I Just Rambling?
You might be wondering what the point of this particular blog is, and maybe it’s not particularly relevant to you. Maybe you don’t have issues finding time for yourself or have already found the perfect balance. Maybe you’re one of those strange unicorn parents who refills their empty cup by spending even more time with their little energy vampires and time away from them has the opposite effect. Not that there’s anything wrong with that, it’s just not something I’ve experienced.
But maybe, just maybe, you’re reading this while feeling overwhelmed and wondering how on earth you’re going to get up and do it all again tomorrow. And the next day. And the day after that. If that’s you, then I urge you to do one tiny thing for yourself each day. I promise that you will start to feel better for it.
It doesn’t have to be a big thing. Just a tiny thing that’s just for you. Read a chapter of your book. Go to the newsagents and buy your favourite chocolate bar. Take an extra five minutes in the shower and sing your heart out. Little by little, your empty cup will refill and you’ll start to feel more like yourself again.
Self-Care Ideas:
Here are a few of the things I’ve done to look after myself and refill my empty cup over the last few months. Maybe give some of them a go and see what works for you:
- Going for a walk – I put my headphones on, blast my music as loud as I can stand it and just go for a walk. It doesn’t have to be anywhere particular, but getting out helps to clear my head.
- Gigs – music has always been as important to me as breathing, so it makes sense that gigs would be a vital form of self-care. You don’t have to spend hundreds on big stadium events. See if there are any bands playing at your local pub, find out what’s on at your local theatre, or search for grassroots venues nearby.
- Get your nails done – I’ve recently got back into the habit of getting my nails done. I go every 3-4 weeks. It’s not overly expensive, I get to spend time being pampered, and the results always look lovely.
- Pampering at home – if you can’t afford to visit a salon, set aside an evening to pamper yourself. Facemasks, nail treatments, hair masks. Go all-out. If you feel like you’re looking your best then it’ll give you a bit of a confidence boost as well.
- Coffee shops – go to your local coffee shop and enjoy a hot drink (or whatever your preference is) without anyone demanding anything from you. I like to people watch, but you could take a book with you, or scroll social media on your phone.